Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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