Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
