Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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