this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
