ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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