youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize