there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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