if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
