I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
