The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
