AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
