I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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