I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
