I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
