i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
