My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
