I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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