saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
