trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
