I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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