sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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