she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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