i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
