I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
