Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
