When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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