Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Fuck appropriateness.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
