I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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