i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
