Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
