I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
