Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
