u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why can't burritos get me drunk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
