If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
