Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
