New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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