Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
