Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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