He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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