I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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