a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
