It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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