I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
