Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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