Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
