But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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