my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
