Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
