i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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