I hate your face
Your mouth is God's brothel.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
