Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
